Becoming
If you’re reading this, that means I’ve gotten over my fear, pressed the post button, and am on my way to celebrate this moment with a triple chocolate muffin from Costco’s (superior flavor btw, you should go get one). And a celebration is in order because I am in a new season of my life where I am taking up space, unapologetically, and turning my mic volume up several notches (after very abruptly pressing the mute button).
So: Welcome, Gentle Dearest Reader (iykyk) to the Evolving Seasons newsletter, my space to rethink leadership in security and share what it’s really like to grow as a leader in this industry, including the messy parts, the lessons, and the wins. This newsletter is the next evolution of Security in Color, a platform and podcast that was my love letter to teaching non-technical people how to stay safe online, and it carried me through some of the most creative years of my career. But it became unsustainable. The pressures of chasing the algorithm, publishing faster, and presenting myself as the expert in everything led to an avalanche of burnout that left me unrecognizable. I found myself in a race I didn’t even know I was running. Create this type of content. Tweet that many times a day. React instantly or you’re already too late. Don’t admit mistakes. Always sound like you have the answer. Those were the unspoken rules I had internalized, and eventually, I very quietly exited stage left - not just from content creation, but from parts of myself.
Looking back, the signs were clear: Things I once enjoyed felt like mountains to climb. My home, my body, my mind—all of it was in chaos. Coupled with work and life challenges at the time, I felt like I had nothing else to give anyone let alone myself.
The Turning Points
My mentor was one of the first to call me back to myself. She happened to be in town and I moved mountains to ensure I could meet up with her and seek some guidance about where I was in my life. She suggested a women’s leadership program that ended up changing my life (shoutout to ITSMF’s Emerge Academy, you will forever have a place in my heart). With some time off, and real heard internal work, I realized I had to design a new way of leading and living: one that prioritized presence, intention, and honesty over speed and perfection.
The Narrative I’m Choosing
Part of why I’m writing again is because something that plagued me during my time of burnout was whether or not I was cut out to achieve my goal of becoming a CISO and being a leader in cybersecurity. When I scroll my timeline, much of the dominating conversation is around fear, cynicism, and exhaustion, all told through a specific looking type of lens. It began painting a picture of leadership for me that only pointed in one direction: lonely, thankless, and inevitably soul-crushing. These types of realities exist but I don’t want to subscribe to them as the only truth.
I truly believe we can be practical about the challenges security leaders continue to face without centering only fear. We can also celebrate progress, possibility, and positivity. One of my superpowers is creating safe spaces in every environment I enter. That’s what I’m leaning on as I continue my leadership journey: to show that it is possible to lead with both honesty and hope, and that it is okay to share where you are at (or not).
Remembering What Leadership Is About
The spaces of leadership I’ve stepped into have sometimes been discouraging; I’ve had my value questioned, been asked to settle in inequitable positions, and to place the same pressures I am receiving on others. I’ve seen and experienced people in positions of power who forgot what leadership is really about: the people. In those moments, I started questioning myself and whether I could ever belong in leadership, because I didn’t agree with what I was seeing. (Fortunately, Beyonce’s ‘I’m That Girl reminds me everyday that I do).
But what I have learned is this: my difference is my strength and so is yours. Authenticity, empathy, and people-first leadership are not weaknesses—they are the exact kind of things I want to model for others as I continue toward my goal of becoming a CISO. Even if the world seems to be turning in a different direction.
Where I am Now and What’s Next
As I look around my life today, I am living a dream I once journaled about. I’ve spent the past year making my life feel good, not just look good. I am rich in family, friendship, and self-worth. I’m excited to jump back into various communities to fill my cup, including cybersecurity (because if you were on Twitter during the pandemic, you know the cyber community at that time was top tier). I’ll be completely honest: I have no clue what is coming next for me. But as long as I am moving in abundance, with clarity, and my actions are rooted in intention, I know I can tackle any challenges that come my way. I’m clearer than ever about the kind of life I want, the friends I keep close, the career I’m building, and the kind of leader I want to be. And for the first time in a long time, that clarity feels like enough.
Let me know your thoughts
And because I like to keep things interesting, here’s a glimpse into what I’ll be covering in future issues:
My experience working across different industries in cybersecurity (healthcare, consulted, tech, and a museum)
Why GRC Engineering matters for both hiring managers and job seekers
Resiliency as a leadership “cheat code”, and
How we can reimagine things like AI Governance, automation, and accountability at the leadership level.
Basically all the Mt. Everest-high messy, practical, and creative parts of growing into the type of leader I needed. What about you? What season are you in right now? And what story do you want to choose about the way you’ll show up in it?
